Look.  I know. I could stand to lose a few pounds, and I need your help getting there. But I’ll be honest: I’ve felt smothered by other trainers I’ve been with. I want to know that you’re there, sure, but counting every rep? I need my space!! That is why, at every session, I’ll happily provide you with reading material and a folding chair. Feel free to monitor my exercise from afar- just try to do so without direct eye contact.

Oh, and I’m acknowledging my fitness intentions just by taking out this ad, right? We’ll both know why we’re meeting. So we don’t have to talk about goal weight or body-mass index. Let’s keep the chitchat to celebrity breakups, shall we?

I’d also prefer a hands off approach. Literally. Not that I think physical contact is inappropriate. It’s just that if the weight is heavy enough for me to need a spotter, I’m probably not going to want to lift it in the first place.

That should about cover it. I’d rather not give you my phone number, in case someday I sleep in and miss an appointment. So how about this: I’ll be at Rosedale Gym next wednesday at 7am, ready to get fit. Meet me if you’d like the job, but please don’t try to talk to me–I’m not really a morning person.

Written by: Brian Barrett